It’s a Monday.
It’s the first of the month.
Total double whammy for the best time to start…well…anything!
If at first you fail, try try again. I’m getting really super good at the try try again part. Like…super good. My hubby deserves a medal for putting up with my bi-polar-esque tendency to swing from:
“I’m giving up all sugar and sugar substitutes – we must rid the house of all the evils! No diet Pepsi shall cross the threshold!”
To:
Coming in the house with a six-pack of diet Pepsi in one hand and a fountain Pepsi from Costco in the other hand with pockets full of Juicy Fruit Mixers gum and the plea “Don’t judge me…”
He’s a good man. He doesn’t judge me.
The scale, however, is another story. That sadistic witch does not withhold judgement. She provided a very vivid figurative slap across the face this morning that I’ve been avoiding for months.
Tip: Don’t avoid the scale for months. The brain is incredibly good at rationalizing why the pants may fit a little snugger (bloat of course), why the sleeves may fit a little snugger (building muscle dontcha know), why the pushups are getting harder instead of easier (must be peri-menopause..?). Certainly none of this could have anything to do with fact that while most people prefer to put maple syrup on pancakes or waffles…all I need is a spoon. And the spoon is really more about being polite to the man who doesn’t judge me – if he didn’t share the maple syrup, I’d probably just drink it right from the bottle. I eat chocolate chips from the bag. I use baking as an excuse to eat the batter or the dough and deceive myself as to how much I’ve actually eaten. I’ve had moments where I’ve put butter on the tip of a spoon and then scooped the spoon full of brown sugar and ate it. Yes. Really. You’re thinking “gross!” and my eyes are rolling into the back of my head with pleasure. It pains me to admit that level of deviance.
I may or may not have a slightly dysfunctional relationship with all things sweet.
So there you go – a glimpse inside the brain of a woman who was recently on the cover of Woman’s World for being a weight loss success story. You know how you can look at other people and think “they have everything – why would they screw it up by [insert addiction here]”? I’ve been thinking that about myself lately as I look to my left at the framed version of the magazine that my hubby made to honor my 15 seconds of fame.
I went from that shining moment to spending the better part of the following three months yo-yo’ing between better and worse food choices. On the wagon. Off the wagon. On the wagon. Off the wagon. Spending enough time off the wagon to be the heaviest I’ve been since reaching maintenance mode. And now…
On the wagon.
Again.
This, my friends, is the reality of weight maintenance. There is no “destination” – and the journey is fraught with temptation and a brain “reward centre” that reinforces the sugar cravings. I just happen to have personified that reward centre as “Hangry”.
My level of commitment is high on this yet another “day one” of trying to shake the sugar monster off my back. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.
One of these days, it’s gonna work!
I just hope my loved ones don’t get whiplash in the process.